《《GGAD通信集》-《Thirty-five Owls》》怜待玉

12、The Eleventh Owl (From GG)

　　July 11th, 1956
　　公元1956年，七月11日
　　Mister Supreme Mugwump Sir, and of course I heard about that particular commendation—
　　至高无上的长官大人先生，我当然听说了那特殊的表彰——
　　The rest of our life, you say? Forever, you say? Are we wedded by owl, then? Am I bound to your sanctimonious pronouncements as permanently as the lichen on my walls? The orange spot is becoming particularly magnificent. There is green like scales, green like little leaves. They grow unimaginably slowly. My whole life has become glacial. It's been more than ten year, hasn't it? More than ten years in one single little room. I thought I'd go mad. Maybe I have.
　　你是说，我们的余生？你是说，永远？这么说，我们乘着猫头鹰飞向婚姻的殿堂了？我会被你那假惺惺的宣言缠住，似我墙上的青苔那样永久的被束缚着？那些橘色的斑点正变得尤为壮丽。那儿的绿色似青鳞，又好似小小的叶子。它们生长的那令人难以理解。我的整个生命都在一丝一丝冻结着。十几年了，不是吗？十几年都一个人在一间小小的房间里。我想我正步入疯癫边缘。也许我已经疯了。
　　Headmaster. Bollocks. Schweinhund. Look at you. Look at you, the great Albus Dumbledore, International Mugwump of the Grand Posh Scheisse-Swarm, hunching over your New Year's ale because you fucked a Cerman boy decades ago and can never love again or some nonsense— and you still blame me for her death, don't you, Albus? It was an accident, you drunken idiot, an accident, it wasn't me, I swear, I only fled in fear—
　　校长。见你的鬼去吧。老不死的野杂种。看看你吧。看看你，伟大的阿不思·邓布利多，国际狗屎界的壮丽辉煌上流社会的大人物，伏倒在你的新年啤酒里，就因为你几十年前和一个德国男孩云雨过，然后就在嚷嚷什么丧失了爱的能力啦或别的种种胡话——你依旧将她的死责怪于我，不是吗，阿不思？那是一场意外事故，你这个醉酒的笨蛋，一场意外事故，我指天发誓，那不是我干的，我纯粹是在恐惧中逃之夭夭的——
　　And look at me. Gellert Grindelwald. There was a time when every child in Wizarding Europe cheered for my name or shrunk from it. There was a time when I cast curses that stripped the leaves from every tree for thirty feet with the mere wind of their passing— there was a time when I was on the verge of establishing, truly establishing, a new world order, a bright new future, and I would have done it for you and me— and here I am, rotting, lonely enough to care what some poncy old Britsh git thinks of me. You must have enjoyed the thought, yes, that I might be haunted by the screams of my victims? Does that fit your idea of how things work, that I lie awake at night tossing and turning from the ghosts of my past? And do you, Albus? Little Ariana held you back from hunting me down for years, didn't she?
　　然后看看我吧。盖勒特·格林德沃。曾有那么一个时候，欧洲巫世界的每个孩子都会为我的名字欢呼或畏缩。曾有那么一个时候，我只需轻轻抛去几个咒语，每颗三十英尺高的树上的叶便会被剥离，然后随从他们身边经过的微风四散而去。曾有那么一个时候，我差不多就要建立起，的的确确的建立起，一个全新的世界秩序，一个明亮而崭新的未来，我本可以为你和我做到这一切——而如今我陷于此处，腐朽着，孤独到了极点以至于去在乎一个爱卖弄风骚的英国老傻瓜对我的想法。是啊，我可能会被我的祭品的尖叫声日夜萦绕——每思量至此，你一定会感到残酷的快意吧？我在深夜难以成眠，为往昔的那些屈死于我手的阴灵们而颤抖着、辗转着，可符合你那伟大想法的模型吗？那么你呢，阿不思？小小的阿利安娜把你追捕我的步伐阻挡了许多年，不是吗？
　　News. NEWS, Dumbledore? News from this oubliette you left me in? Four years without a letter— the charms watch are holding perfectly well, thank you, I know how it's been— and then only to brag that you're Headmaster? [a dark, indecipherable bloth of ink]
　　音讯。音. 讯. 呢. , 邓布利多？你把我丢在这密牢里后的音讯呢？四年杳渺音绝——谢谢你，我手表上的咒语保存的十分完美，我知道过去了多久——然后你仅仅来吹嘘你现在是校长？［一片漆黑的，难以辨认的墨水污渍］
　　It's sweet, really, your bewilderment. You can't understand how I could possibly be angry at you, can you? Because you mean well, because you approach me in friendship, I couldn't really be upset, now could I? Just sulking again, right?
　　你那迷惘的样儿真真是怪可爱的。你无法理解我怎么可能会对你生气，对吗？因为你是出于好意，因为你是出于友谊来接近我的，我不可能真的动气，对吧？只是又一次愠怒了，不是吗？
　　Gertrude is a crazy bitch. What lesson are you trying to teach me? What game of yours am I playing in now? We already finished one, the one where you spend every day with me, give me your body and your mind, and then blame me for an accident and betray me and leave me to do our work alone? And then the next, where set me upon my path, share my plans, hunt the Hallows with me, give me the very words by which I forged mg philosophy, and then, at your leisure, when you've watched enough, wander over from England in the name of truth and justice and bat me out of the sky?
　　格特鲁德就是一头疯狂的母牛。你在试着把什么古怪的课程往我脑子里塞？我现在又成了你什么游戏中的局中人？是不是像我们早已结束的一个游戏，一个在一开始你每一天都与我共度，将你的身心交付于我，然后将一场意外事故责怪于我，背弃了我，留下我独自去完成我们的工作的游戏？然后呢，你是不是会在这个游戏里把我推入正轨，共享我的计划，和我一起追寻圣器，给了我那些言论以锻造思想，然后在你闲了，在你观赏够了，便在那英格兰名为真理和正义的土地上漫起步来并且把我一巴掌从天上扇下来？
　　You forged me, Dumbledore. You forget me and formed me and let me loose in the world. And I think your little brother would agree that you have a habit of ignoring uncomfortable truths.
　　你锻造了我，邓布利多。你锻造了我，成就了我，并让我在这个世界上驰骋肆掠。你惯于忽视令人不适的真相，我想你那弟弟会赞成这一点。
　　But enough about you. Let's talk about me, you haunted and broken pet Dark Lord, your misbegotten experiment, who used to spin sweet spells round your body and smile as you begged him to bugger you? Amd who, I wonder, knows that? Is that one of those things you must ever hide? Poor Albus.
　　但关于你谈够了。来谈谈我吧，你那被你所缠绕的、又被你深深伤害的宠物黑魔王，你可鄙实验的产物，是谁让玫瑰般芬芳可爱的咒语绕着你的躯体轻轻旋转，并在你求他对你干警幻所训之事的时候笑吟吟的？我想知道，又有谁，知晓这一切呢？这又是你必须永远藏匿的往事之一吧？可怜的阿不思。
　　Yes, we go around in circles. Here I am back to mocking you until I can barely breathe for anger.
　　是的，我们就是没完没了的在兜圈子。现在我又归来嘲讽你了，直到愤怒让我几乎无法呼吸。
　　I have a new pal, Professor Dumbledore, aren't you proud? Never think that you're the only one I write to— god knows if you were, I would've bashed my head out on the wall years ago. And it's lovely, sometimes, to talk to somebody who doesn't dis approve of everything one is, a fellow Dark wizard, ambitious with abandon. British boy, very clever, a little stiff, silly made-up name— owled me out of the blue a few years ago looking to talk shop, as you'd say. Great mind, but no sense of humor. He seemed rather startled when I mentioned that I knew you.
　　我有了一个新朋友，邓布利多教授，你不骄傲么？千万别妄以为你是我写信的唯一对象——天知道若如此的话，我几年前就撞墙去了。和一个不反对你的一切的人谈谈，有时候也挺令人愉快的，他是一个黑巫师同志，野心勃勃并也于黑暗中深陷。英国男孩，聪明绝顶，有一点子无礼，还有个傻乎乎的化名——几年前突然寄信给我，期待着能与我谈谈我的——如你所言的——旧业。脑子棒极了，但完全没有幽默感。在我谈及我认识你的时候他似乎受惊不小呢。
　　I told him that you were a user and a hypocrite, and to stay well away from you. Of course, he was already frightened of you. You might want to keep an eye out for him though. He could be a dangerous lad. And how could you possibly handle a Dark Lord who isn't your lapdog?
　　我告诉他你是一个利用者和伪善者，还是离你远点为妙。当然咯，他早就对你心怀恐惧了。虽然你可能会想密切关注此人。毕竟他可能是一名危险的小鬼。但是你怎么才能把一个不是你小宠物的黑魔王掌控在手呢？
　　Be well uncertain of your decency, Albus Dumbledore. And Certrude is a crazy bitch.
　　好好保重你琢磨不透的品行吧，阿不思·邓布利多。并且格特鲁德就是一头疯狂的母牛。