35、第三十四只猫头鹰 ...
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Albus—
阿不思——
My watch is broken entirely. I don't know the date anymore. I don't care. The little upstart's coming for me? Delightful! Best news all decade. & I simply love how you don't even bother telling me to lie. You know I'll do it for you, don't you?
我的表已经彻底坏掉了。我没办法再弄清楚日期，不过我也不在乎了。那个傲慢无礼的小子要来找我了！大喜一件！这是这几十年来有过的最棒的消息。我真是太喜欢你这种不用费心向我撒谎的样子了。你知道我会为你做这一切的，不是吗？
FIFTY YEARS, ALBUS. FIFTY [illegible scrawl] How am I supposed to stand it if you're gone? If you're broken, if you're finally as mad as you've always liked to pretend to be? Bad enough when you didn't write. Bad enough when you went silent for this or for that, because you were too busy to bother, because you thought I wanted you to why would I want you to, because you had no time.
整 整 五 十 年 了 ，阿 不 思 ！ 五 十 年 ！[潦草到难以辨认的字迹] 如果没了你，我该怎么承受这一切？要是你崩溃了，要是你彻底像你所说的那样疯掉了，那我该怎么办？你不给我回信已经够糟糕了，你忙这忙那没空理我这也够糟了。因为你太忙了不能被打扰，因为你以为我想让你这么做我为什么要想让你这么做，因为你已经没有时间了。
Always no time. Even now you say you're running out. STOP LYING TO ME. TURN AROUND AND FACE ME.
你永远都在忙。就算到了现在你也还在说你的时间不多了。别 再 对 我 撒 谎 了 。你 给 我 转 过 身 来 面 对 我。
Voldemort? Send him up here. SEND THE LITTLE SERPENT UP HERE. You taught me Occlumency, I'll lie through my broken teeth and laugh in his face—oh, it's been too long since I've had a good face-laughing, way too long, I haven't even seen a face in years—& he'll make it quick and clean, won't he, because I'm supposed to be afraid of Death? Death who we sought to master? Death who would be our third partner in hallowing this world? Do you think he'd be ashamed to be caught red-handed in a simple mercy-killing? I want to laugh & laugh & laugh at him—
伏地魔？让他来啊。让 那 条 小 蛇 来 啊 。你教过我大脑封闭术，我会在我碎掉的牙齿间冲他说谎、冲他大笑——哦，我已经太久没有开怀大笑过了——我会大笑着，太久了，我已经太久没有见到过活人了——而且他会做得干净利落的，不是吗，因为他觉得我会害怕死亡？曾经我们想要主宰的死亡？畏惧那个本应成为我们用圣器征服世界路上的伙伴？你觉得他会为在施行安乐死时被人抓了现行而感到羞耻吗？我想冲他笑，大笑，狂笑——
You taught me Occlumency, in Godric's Hollow, a millennia ago. Your mind was red gold and restoring fire. It was agony to have to block it out. Your fingers were long and slender on your wand. We were together, the world was good, the water ran clear, and then she died—
你曾在戈德里克山谷教过我大脑封闭术，时间一晃似乎千年已过。你的思想像是复燃的金红色焰火，将其阻挡在外的感觉令我万分痛苦。你握着魔杖的手指纤细而修长。我们互相依偎，彼时岁月静好，流水澄澈，然而接着她便死去了——
His mind won't taste good, will it? I'll not swoon simply from seeing another human being? I'll do right by you for once? & you'll take It to your grave years from now when you finally & change the world yet again, you pompous, beautiful arse.
他的思想一定尝起来不怎么美味，不是吗？我不会仅仅因为看到一个活人就激动地晕过去吧？我终于能为你做一件正确的事情了吗？几年后，当你终于厌烦了动身去再一次改变世界的时候，你就会把它带进坟墓里，你这个自负的、漂亮的混蛋。
I can laugh even under torture, remember? He'll never get It. Look at me, Albus, I've given up & gone mad. Sob into your sherry all you want now. I'd always faintly hoped you'd have the guts to own up to me—
在折磨里我还能笑得出来呢，记得吗？他永远得不到它。看着我，阿不思，我已经放弃了、彻底疯掉了。对着你的雪莉酒尽情啜泣吧。我还曾一直有点期待着有朝一日你能鼓起勇气向我坦白——
You ask after remorse. Well, I've gone mad now, so it's quite all right to tell you. Decades, Albus, decades sick with guilt. Muggle shrieks in my sleep. Thoughts of the lines of the dead I sent forth, the huddles of their families I left behind. Bodies turned under for mulch. There was a girl with a red shawl who wouldn't stop screaming. She's been dead fifty years and she won't stop screaming. Why do you think I clung to you so? You were better than me, more or less.
你问起过忏悔。好吧，我现在的确是疯了，所以告诉你这些也没什么。已经几十年了，阿不思，几十年来我都是混在愧疚里度日。麻瓜们的尖叫在我睡梦中回荡。我做不到不去想那些我害死过的人，那些在我身后惊慌地缩成一团的失亲家庭，那些尸横遍野的恐怖景象。有一个系着红围巾的女孩一直在尖叫，她已经死了五十年了可却还是不肯停下。你以为我为什么要像这样抓着你不放？你是那种要比我更好的人，不论多少。
Of course, you knew that all along. That I regret, hate myself, hate what I did. Just like you knew that I would die for your idiot plans for It. Just like you knew that I'd write back when you wanted me to. Just like you knew that I've loved you since the day we met.
当然，你一直知道的——我忏悔，痛恨我自己，痛恨我所做过的一切，就如同你知道我会为了你为它制定的那个愚蠢计划去死一样。就如同你知道每当你想我来信时，我就会写信给你，就如同你知道的——我爱你，从我们相识的第一天起。
& you must kill the boy & you mustn't care about me. Potter & I your sacrificial lambs, burnt offerings to Voldemort & the greater good.
你必须得杀了那个男孩，你也务必不要去考虑我。波特和我，不过是你对抗伏地魔道路上的牺牲品，是的，为了更伟大的利益。
But what am I saying? You are a charming old man, good-hearted, even sweet. & I am a lonely,repenting old sinner. There were Muggles marched to my outstretched wand, Muggles lined up before It, bare feet scuffing panic marks in the earth until I smiled, cold, raised It, sent green light sheeting like the aurora. Beautiful. Thrilling. Something rips in my gut every time I think of it.
但我又能说什么呢？你是个迷人的老家伙，善良，甚至可爱。而我不过是个孤独地，忏悔着的罪人。麻瓜们走向我举起的魔杖，在它面前排起长队，地面上留下他们赤脚踩出的慌乱的足迹。直到我冷酷地笑着，举起它，杖尖射出极光般的绿色光芒。美丽的。令人震颤着。每当我回想起这些，就像是有什么东西在撕扯着我的内脏。
These are my last few sheets of parchment. I'll write on the walls. I hope the Voldemort brat comes before that house elf dies and leaves me to starve, it'll be a better death. In one room for fifty years, in one room forever, I scrape my fingers raw on the inscription over the door &—
这是我最后的几页羊皮纸了，之后我会写在墙上。希望伏地魔小捣蛋能在家养小精灵老死之前找到我，这起码是个比被饿死要强的死法。在一个房间里待了五十年，永远都待在这同一个房间里，我的手指已被门上的铭文擦伤了——
Tell me what's going on. Get a bloody transcription quill if you have to, if you don't have time to write, tell me what in hell is going on, just don't leave me here. I let you win DON'T LEAVE ME HERE—
告诉我到底怎么了。如果你没时间写信，那就搞支该死的速记羽毛笔来，告诉我他妈的到底发生了什么，但千万别把我扔在这。我都让你赢了 别 把 我 抛 在 这 ——
Isn't remorse how you reintegrate a Horcrux? Is that why you asked? Why else would you care? What other use is the emotion that cripples you? Remorse. Caution. I would beg you to ride the wind with me, Albus, but we're far, far too old and broken.
你非得为做不到拯救一个魂器而愧疚吗？这就是你向我问起的原因吗？你为什么这么在乎？这些牵绊你的感情还有什么别的作用吗？自责。谨慎。我会请求你与我一同驭风飞行，阿不思，可我们都早已衰朽、枯槁，回不到从前了。
ANSWER ME ALBUS DON'T LEAVE ME HERE IF I WRITE IT IN MY BLOOD AND BEG WILL YOU NOTICE?
回 答 我 阿 不 思 别 把 我 抛 在 这 如 果 我 用 我 的 血 写 信 求 你 你 会 看 我 一 眼 吗 ？
But I've never quite known what you think of me, have I? Only that you do not hate me. Albus Dumbledore, do you even know what you do to people?
但我从来不知道你是怎么看我的，也许是这样吧。我只知道你不恨我。阿不思·邓布利多，你知道这对别人来说意味着什么吗？
But you must...
可你千万……
My hair's a ragged, tangled mess. The rats have crept back in—well, they did that some-odd years ago, but they've gotten bolder, chewing up my books. I have their blood in my teeth. No, Mr. Voldemort, I never had It, piss off & die already, it's not too bad after all, see, I'll do it right now for somebody I love. Die for you.
我的头发纠缠着乱成一团。那些老鼠又偷偷溜了回来——好吧，他们这样已经有些年头了，只是这次变得更加大胆，甚至噬坏了我的书。我的牙齿上还残留着它们的血。不，伏地魔先生，我从来没有得到过它，滚开然后去死吧，这听上去还算不错。瞧，我现在就情愿为我爱的人做这件事。我会为你先与死亡交手。
But I suppose you think Dark wizards can't love, don't you?
我想，你一直以为黑巫师从不会爱上任何人，对吗？
Maybe you're wrong.
也许你错了。
Out of parchment. Not using another sheet. Send more? Don't leave me here.
羊皮纸用完了，不想再用床单和你写信。给我寄一点纸好吗？别把我一个人丢在这。
注：
建议先看完下一封再回来看注释。
1.“FIFTY YEARS, ALBUS. FIFTY”（整 整 五 十 年 了 ，阿 不 思 ！ 五 十 年 ！）这一段的原文本是英文大写，晋江不像老福特一样有给文本加粗的功能，所以这里我打了空格来强调。而且晋江的空格有点问题，我得打两个不然会被吞掉。这个空格出问题是我发之前检查的时候发现的，如果有没注意到的麻烦在评论区提醒我一下，我去改。
2.“Always no time. Even now you say you're running out。”（你永远都在忙。就算到了现在你也还在说你的时间不多了。）我感觉GG并不是不知道AD的“没有时间”的潜台词指的是什么，而是GG害怕，害怕AD说的就是他快要死了。
3.想起那魔改的电影版（虽然我也看），GG这个样子怎么可能向伏地魔供出他心心念念的AD啊。
4.“Just like you knew that I'd write back when you wanted me to.”（就如同你知道每当你想我来信时，我就会写信给你。）当时译到这里不知道为什么真的超级想哭，甚至还没来得及看到后面GG说他爱他呜呜呜呜。我好像就能看见盖勒特坐在灯前写回信的样子，停下，想一想，又再执笔。
5.“Thrilling”这个词语运用比较广泛的有两个释义，一个是“令人激动、兴奋的”，另一个是“令人毛骨悚然的”，它本身也带有“令人震颤”的意思。至于在这里运用这个翻译，是因为联系了一下上下文之后，我还是感觉GG更偏向于在描述他年轻时看到这种场面时的内心，但是又都同时夹杂了两种情感（因为他老年后也在忏悔）。个人认为“令人震颤”中可以同时包含这两种情感。
6.“In one room for fifty years”（在一个房间里待了五十年）再次怀疑原作太太是不是伍尔夫的粉丝，伍尔夫也有一本小说叫作《一个人的房间》，当然我大概是过度解读了。还有我已经把《海浪》看完了，等正文部分彻底完结之后会给你们在最后附上我的观后感。
7.“ I scrape my fingers raw on the inscription over the door”（我的手指已被门上的铭文擦伤了）看到很多太太这里翻译的是“门上的铭文被磨平了”，其实不是。“raw”有皮肤被擦伤的意思，从这里就能直接看到是GG无聊到没事去做在用手摸门上的那些铭文。而且前文（第三十二封）也提到了这里的铭文，“三角、圆、直线”，说的是死亡圣器啊，也符合GG总爱提一嘴圣器的习惯。这里说铭文擦伤了手指，我感觉有没有得到圣器却被其反伤的含义，但也只是个人理解。
8.“Isn't remorse how you reintegrate a Horcrux?”（你非得为做不到拯救一个魂器而愧疚吗？）这里语法好奇怪啊救命，我刚开始看不懂都已经玩上连词成句了。最后看后面勉强感觉应该是“Remorse how you isn't reintegrate a Horcrux?”这个语序。
9.“I would beg you to ride the wind with me”（我会请求你与我一同驭风飞行）这里照应前面的第六封信，GG上一次提到飞行是说他刚得到老魔杖的时候，当时说如果能再飞行一次，他宁愿在结束后心甘情愿回到牢房。（当时那一段里还提到了和AD跳舞）
10.“But I've never quite known what you think of me, have I?”（但我从来不知道你是怎么看我的，也许是这样吧。）这里想复合一下人物情绪没有用普遍反问句的翻译方式不然会很突兀，感觉GG很苦涩。
11.再修订的时候发现第七封信中AD就有提到过他会把老魔杖一起带进坟墓里，而且在第十一封信中，GG的忏悔就已经有迹可循。
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第35章 第三十四只猫头鹰
