《On The Same Days》橄榄树

35、 25th February Tuesday 2003 Amsterdam

　　“Now technical part is enough, tell me about the China trip.” Asked the placement supervisor after Tina’s 10 minutes presentation,
　　“It was nice.” With no idea where to begin, Tina asked back, “have you ever been to China?”
　　“No, but I am very interested to know how did you experienced the business trip as I heard there weren’t that many women working there?”
　　“It is changing, except in politics you may find woman from all walks now.”
　　“But it is still a very masculine society, isn’t it?”
　　“Indeed, luckily I went back as a buyer, which helped a lot to cover the fact that I am a female and not yet old enough, age plays a roll too, seniority gains more respect and trust in business.”
　　“Interesting, what did you enjoy the most from the trip?”
　　“Definitely the food, but please don’t tell my boss.”
　　“What was the biggest problem you encountered during the trip, how did you solve it?”
　　“In the sense of business, it all went quite while. The biggest problem for me was the confrontation when I saw children worked in those factories making PVC toys for children here to play.”
　　“Sorry, that was really terrible.”
　　“There was no way I could solve the problem. But I told myself to look at it from another side, it is better for our children to have some work to do rather than nothing at all.”
　　“So it wasn’t just a happy journey for you.”
　　“It had its happy bits and low bits. I did learn a lot.”
　　“Did you go home?”
　　“NO” Tina couldn’t bring herself to talk about her village with her supervisor,
　　“Will you stay working for Happy Concern?”
　　“NO.”
　　“Why? Mr. Van den Heuvel was very satisfied with your performance.”
　　Obviously not satisfied enough to apply a working permit for me, Tina thought. Instead, she said , “I am planning to follow a master program further.”
　　“Oh, still in Holland or some other Country?”
　　“Here in Holland, but which program I haven’t decided yet.”
　　“Ok, I’d give you a 9 on you report, are you happy with it?”
　　“Great, thanks a lot.”

　　Said goodbye to her supervisor, Tina went to catch the tram. 9 weren’t bad, but she wasn’t particularly happy about it, even a 10 wouldn’t bring her a working permit either. Missed the tram with one second, Tina walked to the next Tram Stop; she hated to stand aimlessly with a group people half talking to their mobile phones. No sign of tram after she passed the second stop, why not just walk home, nobody home to blame her late for dinner anyway.

　　Less than 20 minutes she already marched to the entrance of Vondel park via Leids Square. She always had to wonder how many people in Amsterdam weren’t working on a normal working day, as she herself did. The park was very alive with bikes, skiers and joggers running on the path, footballers, volleyball players, lovers and dogs running on the grass. The weather started to get warm, the willows started to be green again. Gazing at the lakes and those early pink flower trees, Tina smiled, for days she couldn’t.

　　She had always enjoyed walking through the park, a short cut to her apartment a few minutes away from the other entrance, a very nice training for a non-sporter and an effective tranquilizer for her boiling mind.

　　She had surfed on the internet the whole day at school. Filled in loads on line application forms of many Dutch master programs with her broken Dutch, she had to try, god knows maybe one of those Administration offices would just forget to ask for her passport, presume/mistaken her as a Dutch and charge her a normal Dutch standard tuition fee of a few thousand Euros, then she’d be able to live on and manage the same as for the HAS. Of course she didn’t even believe in it herself.

　　There were things that you just really couldn’t believe at all. Jenny was confirmed that she indeed had breast cancer. The other day Jenny called Tina out and told Tina that she’d go back to Hong Kong for some medical check. She might have some serious health problems, but she wasn’t sure yet. Tina had always known that Jenny wasn’t physically very strong, too skinny actually, but she also knew Jenny went to the Gym almost every other day, she hadn’t expect Jenny to have real serious problems. But it just happened; there was no why, no reason for it.
　　It could happen to anyone, that was all, but why Jenny? For Christ’s sake! That was such a nice lovely girl who was still so young and hadn’t enjoyed that much life yet… Jenny would just stay there in HK for the operation in two weeks time. There she had her parents and sisters to take care of her, besides, she felt much more comfortable to be in a HK hospital than in an Amsterdam hospital, she spoke not much Dutch, she felt very insecure when she had to talk with the Doctor and nurses here in Amsterdam when they warned her that she might have breast cancer. To stay in a hometown sick house felt different then to stay in a foreign one, said Jenny.

　　There were no words from Lisa since she went back, her father’s situation must be really bad too.
　　Tina felt chilly by the thought, she had called her home almost every week lately, she wouldn’t dare to even imagine if anything would happen with her own parents; she couldn’t even afford a flight ticket at this particular moment, her parents wouldn’t be able to afford the medical expenses either.

　　Meanwhile Sara had called telling her good news, she finally got through with her thesis, something over how to handle study stress. Now she was busying booking tickets for her world trip. Tina was invited for her bon voyage party over two weeks time.
　　Tina couldn’t say no, yet she didn’t think she’d able to go, to chat with Sara-like young Dutch who ready to sail around the whole world and able to do it, she’d find a good excuse in two weeks time, who knows by then she’d already broken an arm or a leg or something like that.
　　Maybe the last thing she could do would be on purposely getting a disproval for her thesis, to buy her some more time and extend the residence permit for another year. But what would be the point to stay in the HAS, serving Happy Food every now and then for another year?

　　A group of young Arabic boys shouted “China”, “Nee hou”, “ anything to drink?” from the chair on sidewalks, Tina closed her ears automatically and passed by with the usual simile. Slightly shook her head, did boys always have to show their courage by behave abnormal? Would they be scared if she would indeed stop for a drink? She smiled at the thought, but she knew she was far from brave enough to do something like that in reality, though in her mind, she was free to rehearse every plot with different texts.

　　“Hallo, how are you?” back to reality, Tina noticed a deep blue guy cycling along buzzing, “China?” “Drink coffee?” buzz continued. Tina kept walking calmly further without turning to have a look, he should lose his interest if she’d behave truly deaf mute.
　　“Where are you going to? Do you speak Dutch?” buzzing even increased his interest. Tina got really irritated, even in such a nice quiet park where everyone seemed to enjoy himself. She found no peace, why would she deserve this kind of treat?
　　“Are you ok, jump on my bike, I can bring you somewhere nice.” The filthy dirt followed her half a park already, Tina reached the edge of herself, furiously she rehearsed what an actress would do in romantic films, just knock the shit in his eyes and run to the footballer and catch one by chance for help, the strong savoir would follow her as a life guard, what if this shit would say that she was his wife who tried to runaway, in a horror film they all believed that;
　　or should she just suddenly stop walking and scream for help in the middle of the path hoping other bikers and skiers give their hands, what if nobody would want to get involved in trouble? and the shit would kill her with his knife?
　　If it was a comic film, the shit would kill himself accidentally instead, but life was no joke; should she just walk into the trees where he would not be able to follow her on his bike? No, he might dump his bike and away from people on main path would be more dangerous; she must call the police, what was the number again, 110 or 112?
　　One of the two must be for fire accidents, and how could they come in time to the middle of Vondel park even if they would really believe her, the advertisement on Tele even showed call 999 or xxx, no speed but police indeed, hell, now she realized how true it was that no police would be in time to save anyone if one was in real danger, they would only arrive with an ambulance for her dead body and asking around if these people here saw anything. Maybe her parents’ scenario was really going to come true, she might be found as pieces behind those trees.

　　“hi, what are you thinking about? Do you want a good f*ck” the shit put one of his pawl on Tina’s shoulder, obviously irritated by her determined ignorance, Tina jumped aside at the sudden sting, looked at her own right shoulder with full disgust, she stopped walking, first stared icy cold with pure disgust into that dirt with a dirty black pigtail, face of a mouse, in a dirty blue jacket very close to those of the police, the shit must have dead a million times if eyes could kill. From the shit’s accents Tina could tell that he is not pure Dutch, but hard to trace its bug clan. Tina decided in that particular second she would have a hair cut right away if she would live up to the next day and she would never, never in her whole life trust any police anymore.

　　The bug satisfied at her attention, forgot buzzing. People were still passing by, a jogger even curiously turned back to see what battle was going on, hell, Tina cursed up all the dirty words for her whole life in the single hour, if anyone dared to think she was a girlfriend of this shit she’d kill them without any mercy after this one. She started to open her zip of the bag with the left hand reached for her mobile, if the shit dared to move, her tightly clenched right fist will hit that pair of dirty eyes out of its place, “hi, take it easy,” without knowing what would come out of the bag, the shit gets a bit nervous and wheeled a bit further, Tina managed a cunning smile, and moved the mobile beside ears, saying “Sergeant, life emergency in Vondelpark please.” she dialed 112 in the bag already, with people still passing back in between them, the shit wheeled away buzzing something like “ok, ok, take it easy, forget about it.”

　　Without hearing anything from the other end of her mobile, watching the shit cycled far, Tina couldn’t believe the 112 line was engaged! She couldn’t even get through!! Trembling and shaking she walked further with a face full anger and disgust, anyone who were curious got an icy immune eye back. She really wanted to explode, to cry and shout, but she knew very well if she really does an ambulance would arrive without any delay in this case to bring her for neurological treatment.

　　Why me, Tina walked outrageously, it was not like midnight in a dark park someone masked jumping out of the forest for a wallet, she already lost her wallet. There were a few dozen girls walking in the park. She was definitely not the only single one, why only she looked like the ideal victim? Which part of her face on earth marked her an easy dish? Or is it simply because she was a fucking foreigner? It was not the first time here, but from a metro station she could always jump into the first line that came by and swiftly moved through clouds of crowds, this was the first time that she had been followed more than half a park, near half an hour!

　　There would still be 20 minutes ahead if she walks further, or should she get out at the nearest exit for a tram?

　　She had no idea how others would behave in her place, none of her girl friends seemed ever risk to stroll single in whatever park, be day or night. Maybe she just deserved it.

　　Maybe she should buy a pair of those skeelers too, at least it moves quicker when followed, but who the hell knows what would happen if she came back here with herself again at this time or even later of the day to practice skeelers?

　　She insisted walking through to the exit near her apartment, of course she was not going to give up the whole park and stay afraid forever after simply due to that piece of shit. Before she walked to the street where her apartment is, she carefully looked around, made sure she wasn’t followed and ran to the door and got in as if devils were chasing behind.
　　Make sure the door was locked. Tina gave a few deep breaths again, in, out, in, out…
　　A green envelope lay on the steps for her, from Taxation Service, she needed more deep breath, in, out, in…God, that one from T-mobile was for her too…out. God, she needed more oxygen.

　　Mobile beeped, “Kattenbellentje!” John again,
　　“Meneer Kat, er is geen muizen hier te vangen, ga ergens anders mauwen!”
　　Tina had no mood to chat at the moment, yet somewhere behind her head, she was happy that he did send the message.
　　Sometimes she just couldn’t believe the fact that she had been talking (faceless and voiceless ) to him everyday. Everyday! God, she had never, never in her whole life kept contact so often with whomever else so far.
　　Her cynical and complaints hadn’t scare him away. Her ignorance of his implication of meeting up for more than 3 times must have irritated him, he finally said something like he’d stop trying but leaves it to her.
　　But at this stage of her life when everything was cooked up, no piece of lights about future, just like the leave falling down from a tree drifting in the strong wind, she had no idea where would she land. How could she bring herself to see him? She’d hate it if he pities her, she’d hate it if he wouldn’t even care, and she’d hate it if he has to pay for every drink or meal, yet she hadn’t even money for that, the so-called outgaansleven(going out) here in Holland. Lastly, she was just very scared of the meeting up idea, she hadn’t meet up any strangers in that way, the idea reminded her of the whole match-making process back home. Besides, she knew she hadn’t really successfully localized herself, not with the youngsters here, she had too different a life which hindered her to do and enjoy the crazy things as her Dutch classmates would do. What if he’d just discover how boring she was in the first meet up and completely disappointed?
　　Tina shook her head, stopped thinking nonsense, just forget about it all, there were loads Dutch beauties on the date sites, he could fish them all out anyway, she had to sort our her own things first