《On The Same Days》橄榄树

21、29 October Tuesday 2002 Shenyang

　　Hot pot city, Family dinner again, this time to celebrate the coming back of Deng from Beijing, the first month of his chemical treatment had been done already in Beijing, now he could stay home, only need to go hospital twice a week. Mr. Zhao would have kept his son continue to stay in the Beijing hospital if it wasn’t due to Bamboo’s job.

　　Bamboo had already took nearly two month off, now she had to come back to attend the examination hold by the Ministry of Transportation for all traffic polices. Anyone who failed would be laid off. Bamboo was actually very scared, she had never been really good at any kind of exams, the connection, a relative of one of her previous boyfriend, through which she got her job, was long gone since she broke up with that boyfriend. The last two months made her felt more like a patient than Deng, she shrank, technically, lost a lot of weight, color and laughter, now the exam, after all those nights in the hospital, compulsively taking in the strong smell of disinfectant, feeling how close death could be to Deng, her fiancé. Seeing how people came, people went, or went for ever. She felt really tired, the chat and laugh of the families sounded like miles away.

　　Seeing her sister’s bony face shadowed with heavy clouds, absentmindedly drinking one cup of tea after another without eating anything, Ling felt sad. Ling never accused Bamboo for her bad performance in school or lacking of any interest in books at all, Bamboo was the kind of person who lived a real life, per minute, per second, she laughed, she cried, she could be like a brother to those boys, careless about whatever comments from colleagues, yet deeply hurt when any member of the family said a word about her job of being a traffic police woman. She treated her job seriously and never really made any unforgivable mistakes, she fought with parents but whenever anything happened with the parents, she was always the first one who got there. Why did she have to be evaluated with those books and regulations? She deserved a break.

　　Maybe she could go to the exam for Bamboo, Ling became suddenly exited at the possibility. Anyway, she had done it once for her cousin with any negative consequence.

　　“Is the exam all about traffic regulations?” Ling asked in a low voice nobody else would hear.
　　“No, there are even politics, history, geographic and philosophy. Apparently one had to be a good politician or historian to be a good traffic policeman.” Bamboo was bitter.
　　“I have those subjects in my self-study Bachelor programs. Do you think there is any chance that I can stand in for you?”
　　“Nope. Colleagues in our office will all be tested together, if they see you are cheating for me, I’d be reported right away and get fired before announcement of the results.”
　　“But they are your friends, like brothers?” Ling had even played with them many times.
　　“When there is no looming danger of lay off, yes, we were brothers.” Bamboo pulled a sarcastic smile.

　　“Are you talking about lay offs?” the ancient match maker aunt from the other side of the table, she must have some extensible ears, she never missed any piece of gossip, “my neighbors who worked in the state owned bicycle factory were laid off last week, it seems there is no ‘Irony bowl’ any more.”

　　“That is the policy from Beijing, to break the ‘irony bowl’, so that people will learn necessary skills to make their silver or maybe even gold bowls.” Mr. Zhao, as a bank director assigned by the government, he tried to be positive.

　　“What if wooden bowl or no bowl at all?” it was Deng, the whole table became motionless for a second, they rarely heard any comments about anything from him, he used to be silent all the time, or just a simple yes or no when consulted. Deng noticed the reaction, yet continued, “Shouldn’t necessary skills be learned from school? Yet how many new graduates can find a job on their own with what they have learned from school? Government simply stopped providing them jobs without changing the exam oriented programs, without any practical knowledge where do they suppose to get the necessary skills to survive in the society? Aside from students, those middle ages people who worked their whole life standing on the assembly line putting a screw on a bike, when were they told that they’d ever need some other necessary skills at this age of there lives?” his pale face terribly darkened too.

　　Mr. Zhao was at a loss of words, looking at his son as if there were two horns just grown out from Deng’s head, he never knew his son also had complaints, about those social or political issues. Habitually rubbing his right temple, he didn’t really enjoy Deng’s sarcasm, “It is far more complicated, the government tries to stimulate the economy, sometimes it is necessary to suffer a bit at present for a better future, or to sacrifice a small scale of benefit for a larger scale.”

　　“Suffer many people’s benefit for some people are more like it.” Once Deng started something, it was hard for him to give up.

　　“Hi boy, don’t’ you talk to your father like that,” Ling’s father couldn’t stand a son challenging his father, “shouldn’t you feel grateful that you are his son, otherwise you may not even be able to sit here anymore, who’d able to afford the hospital, operation and treatments?”

　　“Sure I am grateful, as I always have been, for my education, my job, my operation, my whole life. Luckily I was my father’s son.” Except himself, nobody noticed he used past tense. He wanted to play a very good obedient son in the coming time, god knows how long would it be, yet he felt so tired, of being Mr. Zhao’s son. Except with Bamboo, he never really felt like himself. He knew Bamboo would have difficulties about her job, he knew his father might be able to help through connections, yet he couldn’t open his mouth.

　　The dinner table resumed its chattering and laughter as they all thought the shower was gone and the weather was normal again. The ancient aunt complained that Lily rarely showed up at family dinners lately, a typical old spinster’s reaction to relatives, she concluded. Ling opened her mouth, closed it again unable to quickly come up with a proper defense, she glanced at her two sisters who used to be very sensitive to the sharp aunt and defensive for Lily, they seemed both drifting somewhere in their own world far away from the dinner table, then Ling realized Tiffany didn’t even speak a word through the whole dinner, Roc neither. What went wrong with this dinner?

　　Later on at home, Ling dug out all her self-study books for Bamboo, so that she might still go through some history or philosophy texts before the exam due in two weeks time.

　　Almost mid-night, walked through the living room back to her shared bedroom with Bamboo, Ling was shocked at the sight that Roc was sleeping on the couch with a thin blanket, quietly pulled an ear outside of the bedroom door of Tiffany, Ling didn’t hear anything. Returned to her bed, lay there in the dark, she couldn’t sleep. Thought about her sisters, the whole family, conversations over the dinner table, her own job, where might the future lie if there is to be one…thought about Lee, who was back from HK, decided to wait and see how things would go after next month as the 16th national congress would be hold, new generation leaders would get in charge, new policies might come into being.

　　“They may offer much more for me to work there then here, yet the whole place felt like a can of satin, overcrowded like hell with people all shouting in noisy Cantonese, there is no space.” Lee frowned at the thought when talked about it, Jane, on the other hand was very interested how satin-ed people look like in a can, “Are you talking about a big zoo or something? May I go with you next time?”
　　“It is not exactly a big zoo, but definitely a very crowded zoo with many rare animals, red hair, blue eyes and huge nose.” He almost turned to be a nice father to Jane after that dumplings dinner, Ling smiled a lot for no reason, or for the fact that he might not go away after all?

　　Yet she had to apologize, for the fact that she couldn’t manage a positive answer from Mr. Zhao for a loan possibility to Lee if he would decide to set up a private business. The other day she met Mr. Zhao again at Lily’s apartment. There must be a lot of things they had to help each other through as they each got different league of connections.
　　Mr. Zhao rubbed his right temple for quite a long while after Ling posed her question. Her heart sank, it must be really difficult, she felt nauseas at the fact that she did ask, a favor. Anyone in this country all knows too well what the back door means, she’s trying to knock one open. Yet she’d never ever done it for her own sake in a million years, Tina would look down upon her if she ever finds out, they used to laugh at those corruption stories together, but was it fair at all for those near-bankrupted-money-eating-black-hole like state owned companies to get all the loans for nothing? Yet not even a penny for a diligent individual who wish to set up a firm?

　　“It is not about fairness,” Mr. Zhao had said, “It is about principles. Banks are state owned organs, we are all state paid employees, I am not allowed to give loans to a private person for a private business, that would be capitalism. I am not a 100 percent pure bank manager, there were times I issued the loan because of some private reasons, but as long as it goes to one of those state-owned companies, no one would catch my tail. You are a family. Otherwise I wouldn’t tell you this. You may ask Lily about it. I am sorry.”
　　“Maybe we can expect some changes of principles after the coming National Congress,” Lily saw Ling got pale, “tell Lee to be patient for a while.”
　　“How would you know for who was I asking?” Ling was so shocked.
　　“Who else would you ask it for?” Lily smiled, “It seems good luck starts to visit him again after all these years. I’d say you should worry less about him but more about yourself, you maybe the one who’s finally got killed by your father.”
　　“I don’t know what are you talking about,” Ling turned red, “Uncle Zhao, I’d love to hear from you if there’d be any changes of policy though.”

　　Crack! Ling was dragged back from her thought at the big cracking sound from the living room, quickly walked out, she saw Roc fell off the couch on the ground, Tiffany stood at their bedroom door already, with swollen red eyes, her lips trilling, “You have to play a show of being tortured in front of my sisters, do you? Just to show how cruel and unreasonable a wife I am?” her voice shook too.
　　Roc got up, one hand hold the blanket, the other hand kneading his heap, settled himself back on the couch again, then turned to Tiffany, just looked deep into in her eyes without a word.
　　“Don’t you look at me like that, what, regret that you had keratitis when you married me? It wasn’t my family that drove you crazy, it is your own! What have I done wrong to deserve that attitude of yours? It is your parents who only remembers you when they are in need of money or help, have they given you a penny when we got married? when we had to buy this house? Why it is your responsibility to buy a wife for your brother? to pay for everything? who was there to pay for you when you needed it?” Tiffany’s voice got higher and shakier, “If they ever treated you better, if they ever treated us better, if we were rich, I wouldn’t mind, I am not a heartless bastard, but that is not even your biological parents…”
　　“That is enough.” Roc saw Bamboo came out of her room too, “I have an early appointment in the hospital; you two take care of your sister please.” The last sentence was addressed to Ling and Bamboo. Without washing up, he picked a jacket from the rack beside the door, then off he was gone, Tiffany shouted to the squashed door hysterically “Go to hell, and never come back if you dare.” Then burst into tears again. From her sobbing & murmuring, they got to know the trigger of the whole accident.

　　They had agreed upon long ago to save some money for a computer. They needed it for the master programs. Last week Tiffany found out that their bank account turned red. The balance that was enough for 2 computers were just gone. Roc gave them all to his parents to prepare for his brother’s engagement party. They both worked so hard for that bit of savings, his family just took it for granted that they should contribute since they could, no thanks, no nothing, it wouldn’t even be the last time. That brother would have to get married after being engaged…
　　Ling and Bamboo listened quietly, holding paper tissues for Tiffany, without knowing how to comfort her. They knew Tiffany would do the same for them if any of them would be in need for her help or money, but they better not to say that now, it would make Tiffany more angry and accusing them of not being her sisters, but his.

　　The three sisters squeezed in one couch, it was a sleepless night.